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Hey there blog. Haven’t seen you in a while. Well, I guess if I’m writing to you right now, things must be pretty dire for me here on the home-front. I guess you could call it rock bottom. I could tell you all about where I’ve been this whole time, what I’ve been up to, the places and people I’ve seen, but something tells me you just want to hear the ugly truth. Okay, fine. Here it is:

the ugly truth.

The truth is that I’ve fallen into quite the deep and terrible pit of decay and disaster–it’s bottomless, and hope and light seems to be limited resources, as well as my desire to keep pressing on. I guess it all started from what you could call a favor for somebody. About a year ago my cousin flew me out to Seattle to film his wedding for him and to edit together something nice as a cool little memento to mark their special day.

Flash forward to today, I’m sitting in my room, AC trying to pump as hard as it can, but bless it’s little heart, the heat’s just too much. And I’m right there staring at the the Adobe Premiere project which now holds the videos, which for the last year have been taunting me with their lurking presence of “why haven’t you finished me yet!?” I minimize my editing software and my screen flickers to the email my cousin sent me:


At this point my brain is screaming, “why, Why, WHY!?” I swear every ounce of my body wants to unplug my desktop computer and chuck it out the window, but then I’m reminded that if I open my window, like the German dudes from Raiders of the Lost Ark, I will surely by fried by an angry sun and possibly some spirits:

Indiana Jones Raiders of the lost ark, angry sun, MarioNow I’m in a panic. Of course my body has already given up and my brain is definitely not doing what I’m telling it to either. I yell at it to go make tiny video cuts and arrange them to sing beautiful alongside a cheesy soundtrack, and yet, five hours has gone by and now I’m watching “Car Radio” by Twenty One Pilots, which is a pretty accurate summation of how I am feeling right now.

Heed this warning, my new-found readers and old-time wanderers; this world is filled with great darkness and evil—sometimes it takes the form of a collection of videos you’ve procrastinated on for the past year, and sometimes… it’s as simple as looking at yourself in the mirror and noticing that you’ve been making funny faces at yourself for the past ten minutes because it’s more fun than sorting through wedding footage, but the kicker is, everything catches up to you. All the little things that we put off and some things we don’t ever want to do, but we all know deep down inside that someday we are going to have to. 

THAT’S the ugly truth.